Goodbye, cake.

I have felt like a drug addict waiting to go to treatment ever since I decided to sign up for the Fitness Challenge at the gym.

I have eaten everything I could get my hands on since I made this decision. Each meal, inching ever closer to my quit date…

My last supper.

I haven’t worked out in ages. I’ve quit going for walks. Sometimes I still do yoga, but not the kind that makes you sweat. I am officially out-of-shape.

I have a very stressful job. And when I get stressed, the only coping skill I have is to eat cake. And for the last year and a half, I have eaten a lot of cake.

I am writing this letter because cake and I need to break up. Cake doesn’t make me feel better. Well, maybe for a minute, but… just like drugs, it doesn’t last. And afterwards, I feel worse.

So, today, we are breaking up.

I have joined a gym. I have weighed in. I have been measured. I have proven to myself that I am as out-of-shape as I have ever been in my life. I can’t even do one push-up. It was ugly.

So, at 205.5 pounds, I am stopping the madness. I have to find other ways to de-stress… to de-compress… after work… and not just after work… whenever I am tempted to use food to change the way I feel.

I have written about this before. I have tried this before. I am not going to let that stop me. I have got to do something different and why not this… why not now?

Goodbye, cake.

Taking the Day.

I work too dang much.

I’m on call every other weekend and that generally means I end up working at least one of my days off. This only feeds my compulsion to work more and more often.

And unfortunately with all the best intentions to use that time to catch up, I usually end up getting caught up in something else entirely when I go in.

Yesterday, I intended to go in for a few hours, do some catching up, and get out.

Just like Groundhog Day, I got there and it was the same ol’ same ol’…

Detox was crazy and then things jumped off in residential and hours later I realize that I haven’t done anything I came in to do. I’m still behind, I’m really stressed, and I don’t know how I will possibly get it all done.

So I left. But right before that, I did something different. I told my boss that I needed tomorrow  (now today) OFF. I knew. I was down to a nub. I keep hearing all these folks telling me I need to take better care of myself. I know. And for once, I did.

Yay!

So far, I’ve gotten my car fixed.

image

I’ve had a tasty breakfast.

image

And I’m free until 530…

then it’s time for school.

image

Haha.

OK. So I put in for a day off on Friday too.

We’ll see how that goes.

Pass/Fail

image

Yesterday was pretty darn crazy. After taking a three-hour test and then heading work, it felt like the day would not end.

Thank god, I passed the certification exam.I probably could have done a whole lot more to prepare, but there are just not enough hours in the day.

At least, that’s how it has felt ever since I registered to take it… not with the hours that I’ve been working and trying to stay in school…

Let me backtrack here… for the curious…

While I am currently employed as a substance abuse counselor, I am not yet certified. In the state of North Carolina, you can practice under supervision for a time while you get your own certification.

I am in that process still.

But, passing the Certification exam is a big deal… and one more requirement I can check off my list! Whew!

Now, I can get back to feeling overwhelmed about work, neglecting my schoolwork, and wondering how I got in this mess.

All these feelings aside, I did not eat any stupid stuff. It would have been real easy.

image